If this is a trigger for you: don’t read on
My friend called 2 nights ago, completely suicidal. Another friend and I tried to manage the situation, but yesterday we called 911. They came and got him, but he talked his way out of the hospital. He seems a bit better today, but the scare is not over by a long shot.
I am fine. I know how to cope with this kind of thing. I seem to be the go-to person in this kind of crisis. The problem is he made such a good argument it almost made sense.
Is it possible that this kind of illness is just inevitably fatal in some cases? Is there any way that a mentally ill person can make a rational decision to end their suffering like a cancer patient or someone with end-stage AIDS? Or is the wish to die mutually exclusive with reason? Not sure. At all. In any case, he was definitely too sick to be making this kind of decision yesterday.
How many years must you suffer before you can rationally say it is too much? I’ve been doing this for at least 20 years, he has been struggling for 7. I guess I have always known that if I could no longer manage, death would be an option. I think anyone who has been severely depressed has thought that. There is always a back door.
I am really well these days, but I know in the back of my mind that the self injurous behaviour and suicidal ideation is not that far off. It is almost comforting in times of stress to know I have a way out, or a way to manage the anxiety. I wonder if this is permanent? As if having thought about it once seriously, you will never be completly free of it. Not sure I would want to be.